A Satirical Take On the Revolutionary Switch to Digital Television (Part II)
Ian Patrick Freely (IPF) is conducting his second telephone interview with Mr. Disgruntled Television Viewer (DTV).
IPF: Hello, Mr. Viewer, this is Ian here again.
DTV: Hello, Ian! (Cough, cough, sputter)
IPF: Last time we talked it seemed you were having some problems.
DTV: Yes! Government agents.
IPF: What did they want?
DTV: They wanted information about the Anti-Digital Democracy (A.D.D.); the faction that is most active in the Anti-Digital Television Movement. (Cough, cough, sputter)
IPF: What did you tell them?
DTV: Like an good American, I said, "Here is two cents; buy yourself a sense of humor! Now, Fuck Off!" They didn't like that very much. (Cough, cough, sputter)
IPF: No! I don't suppose they would. What happened next?
DTV: They took me to a secret detention facility. (Cough, cough, sputter)
IPF: Excuse me, but it sounds like you have a bit of a cold.
DTV: No, Ian! I still trying to get the water out of my lungs.
IPF: Water in you lungs!!!
DTV: Waterboarding, you know.
IPF: Obama has prohibited extreme forms of torture.
DTV: These were covert-ops; I think Cheney controls them. Obama has no say in what they do. Evidently, the Anti-Digital Television Movement (ATM) is a threat to national security even more insidious than the Taliban or Al Qaeda and must be dealt with using the most extreme measures.
IPF: That sounds a little incredulous!
DTV: Nonetheless. They wanted information on the antenna people and the rabbit-ear people in the A.D.D.
IPF: Antenna people??!! Rabbit-ear people??!!
DTV: Mostly, they wanted information on the rabbit-ear people. The antenna people have their antenna outside on roof tops or elsewhere. These people are easier to round-up and detain for questioning. The rabbit-ear people are harder to track down because their rabbit ears are hidden in their houses.... I wasn't much help as I am not a member of the A.D.D.
IPF: Can you tell me any more about this detention facility?
DTV: Yes, I learned a few things. The bastards that run these places don't mind bragging because no one who believe their victims; after all, they are just a bunch of disgruntled ex-television viewers. Anyhow, there evidently are several of these secret detention facilities around the country. They were built during the Cheney/Bush administration. They are using this Anti-Digital Television Movement as practice for when the other shoe drops.
IPF: And what shoe might that be?
DTV: I don't know... I think that is being kept up wraps... National Security, you understand.
IPF: Did you learn anything else?
DTV: Not much! Something about Blackwater and Haliburton being involved in some covert black-ops manoeuvre. I think I might have seen Cheney, the anti-claus, skulking around like the Grinch who stole Christmas.
IPF: Well, I see we are out of time for now.
DTV: Yes! I got to go mow the lawn. Talk with you later, Ian.