A Satirical Take On the Revolutionary Switch to Digital Television (Part II)

Ian Patrick Freely (IPF) is conducting his second telephone interview with Mr. Disgruntled Television Viewer (DTV).

IPF:  Hello, Mr. Viewer, this is Ian here again.

DTV:  Hello, Ian! (Cough, cough, sputter)

IPF:  Last time we talked it seemed you were having some problems.

DTV:  Yes!  Government agents.

IPF: What did they want?

DTV:  They wanted information about the Anti-Digital Democracy (A.D.D.); the faction that is most active in the Anti-Digital Television Movement.  (Cough, cough, sputter)

IPF:  What did you tell them?

DTV:  Like an good American, I said, "Here is two cents; buy yourself a sense of humor!  Now, Fuck Off!"  They didn't like that very much.  (Cough, cough, sputter)

IPF:  No!  I don't suppose they would.  What happened next?

DTV:  They took me to a secret detention facility.  (Cough, cough, sputter)

IPF:  Excuse me, but it sounds like you have a bit of a cold.

DTV:  No, Ian!  I still trying to get the water out of my lungs.

IPF:  Water in you lungs!!!

DTV:  Waterboarding, you know.

IPF:  Obama has prohibited extreme forms of torture.

DTV:  These were covert-ops; I think Cheney controls them.  Obama has no say in what they do.  Evidently, the Anti-Digital Television Movement (ATM) is a threat to national security even more insidious than the Taliban or Al Qaeda and must be dealt with using the most extreme  measures.

IPF:  That sounds a little incredulous!

DTV:  Nonetheless.  They wanted information on the antenna people and the rabbit-ear people in the A.D.D.

IPF:  Antenna people??!!  Rabbit-ear people??!!

DTV:  Mostly, they wanted information on the rabbit-ear people.  The antenna people have their antenna outside on roof tops or elsewhere.  These people are easier to round-up and detain for questioning.  The rabbit-ear people are harder to track down because their rabbit ears are hidden in their houses.... I wasn't much help as I am not a member of the A.D.D.

IPF:  Can you tell me any more about this detention facility?

DTV:  Yes, I learned a few things.  The bastards that run these places don't mind bragging because no one who believe their victims; after all, they are just a bunch of disgruntled ex-television viewers.  Anyhow, there evidently are several of these secret detention facilities around the country.  They were built during the Cheney/Bush administration.  They are using this Anti-Digital Television Movement as practice for when the other shoe drops.

IPF:  And what shoe might that be?

DTV:  I don't know... I think that is being kept up wraps... National Security, you understand.

IPF:  Did you learn anything else?

DTV:  Not much!  Something about Blackwater and Haliburton being involved in some covert black-ops manoeuvre.  I think I might have seen Cheney, the anti-claus, skulking around like the Grinch who stole Christmas.

IPF:  Well, I see we are out of time for now.

DTV:  Yes!  I got to go mow the lawn.  Talk with you later, Ian.